1
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♪ I feel it in my fingers ♪
2
00:00:02,645 --> 00:00:05,645
♪ I feel it in my toes ♪
3
00:00:08,885 --> 00:00:11,285
♪ Love is all around me ♪
4
00:00:11,365 --> 00:00:14,405
♪ And so the feeling grows ♪
5
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♪ It's written in the wind ♪
6
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♪ It's everywhere I go ♪
7
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Sweet Jesus.
8
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♪ So if you really love me ♪
9
00:00:28,605 --> 00:00:30,525
♪ Come on and let it show ♪
10
00:00:30,605 --> 00:00:32,245
Did I not ban this one?
11
00:00:32,925 --> 00:00:34,085
Let me see.
12
00:00:34,165 --> 00:00:35,365
Uh...
13
00:00:35,925 --> 00:00:38,525
"Endless Love," "The Power of Love,"
"All You Need Is Love,"
14
00:00:38,605 --> 00:00:40,301
"How Deep Is Your Love,"
"It Must Have Been Love,"
15
00:00:40,325 --> 00:00:42,485
"I Wanna Know What Love Is,"
"I Will Always Love You."
16
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No, Sister, you didn't.
17
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♪ 'Cause on my love you can depend ♪
18
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Put it on the list.
19
00:00:55,565 --> 00:00:57,885
Uh, wonderful, girls. Lovely stuff.
20
00:00:59,005 --> 00:01:01,925
Before I dismiss you for the weekend,
a few announcements.
21
00:01:02,085 --> 00:01:05,245
On Monday morning,
several of our year thirteens
22
00:01:05,325 --> 00:01:08,645
will face their GCSE maths resit.
23
00:01:08,725 --> 00:01:12,365
Now, I know how daunting
resit examinations can be,
24
00:01:12,445 --> 00:01:15,245
so if anyone is feeling anxious
or worried,
25
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or even if you just want to chat,
26
00:01:16,805 --> 00:01:19,925
please, please, do not come crying to me.
27
00:01:20,005 --> 00:01:21,405
Let me see. What else?
28
00:01:21,485 --> 00:01:23,365
Come on, come on, come on to fuck!
29
00:01:23,445 --> 00:01:25,765
"Notice from Mr. Macaulay.
30
00:01:25,845 --> 00:01:28,845
This year's destination
for the Euro Trotters trip
31
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will be, dramatic pause..."
32
00:01:34,245 --> 00:01:36,765
Did you actually want me
to do the dramatic pause?
33
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Interesting.
34
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Paris. It's going to be Paris.
35
00:01:43,085 --> 00:01:46,765
If you need any further information,
there is a stall in the foyer.
36
00:01:47,205 --> 00:01:52,085
Sadly, I am unable to come on this one,
as I despise the French.
37
00:01:53,725 --> 00:01:55,485
Name of the Father, the Son,
the Holy Spirit.
38
00:02:01,485 --> 00:02:03,805
There's so much I want to do.
The Champs-Élysées,
39
00:02:03,885 --> 00:02:05,765
the Arc de Triomphe, the Louvre.
40
00:02:05,845 --> 00:02:07,925
A French fella.
That's what I want to do.
41
00:02:08,005 --> 00:02:11,205
Nation of rides. My fanny's going funny
just thinking about it.
42
00:02:11,285 --> 00:02:14,005
- Could you not use that word, Michelle?
- What, "fanny"?
43
00:02:14,085 --> 00:02:16,541
- Why do you always have to be coarse?
- Ach, what's the big deal?
44
00:02:16,565 --> 00:02:18,285
- We all have one.
- I don't.
45
00:02:18,365 --> 00:02:21,445
- You are one.
- Of course, Beckett lived in Paris,
46
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and if anybody's influenced my writing,
it is...
47
00:02:24,405 --> 00:02:26,525
- What, Brenda Beckett from 12A?
- No!
48
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Not Brenda Beckett. "Beckett" Beckett.
49
00:02:29,045 --> 00:02:31,805
If we go to Paris,
I'd like to meet Nicole.
50
00:02:31,885 --> 00:02:33,525
- Who's Nicole?
- For God's sake.
51
00:02:33,605 --> 00:02:36,845
How many times?
It's just an ad. She's not a real person.
52
00:02:36,925 --> 00:02:38,245
Neither is Papa.
53
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Be good conversation practice as well,
you know, for the orals.
54
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- Which will be the only oral that you...
- Yeah, okay, Michelle.
55
00:02:44,725 --> 00:02:48,005
- You didn't let me finish.
- Well, I sensed where you were going.
56
00:02:48,685 --> 00:02:50,685
- Blowjobs.
- Oh, God.
57
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Don't tell me Charlene Kavanagh is going.
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She is dying about herself.
59
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"Oh, I'm so good-looking.
Oh, I'm so popular."
60
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If there ever was a more shallow,
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self-absorbed,
generally unpleasant human being...
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Hi, Erin.
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Hi.
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Good. Grand. Not too bad.
65
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Can't complain.
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Is the answer I'd have given
if you'd asked how I was.
67
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Right. Are you signing up for Paris?
68
00:03:15,965 --> 00:03:18,325
I can't convince that lot to come.
69
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Looks like I'm going to need someone to
hang out with.
70
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It would be an honor.
71
00:03:24,165 --> 00:03:26,805
Okay, well, I'll see you later, then.
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You will, Charlene. Indeed you will.
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00:03:29,805 --> 00:03:31,205
Did you hear that?
74
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The Charlene Kavanagh wants to hang
around with little old me!
75
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You know what I admire most about you,
Erin? Your unshakeable principles.
76
00:03:41,245 --> 00:03:44,485
Bonjour. Tout le monde.
Comment allez-vous?
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- Wise up, Jenny.
- Where do we sign?
78
00:03:46,885 --> 00:03:49,005
Hold on. Stall the fucking ball.
79
00:03:49,085 --> 00:03:51,765
375 quid? Are you for real?
80
00:03:51,845 --> 00:03:54,645
What? £375 each?
81
00:03:55,525 --> 00:03:58,845
- Isn't there some sort of group discount?
- It's not Club 18 to 30.
82
00:03:58,925 --> 00:04:00,845
- More's the pity.
- It is a bit steep, Jenny.
83
00:04:00,925 --> 00:04:04,285
Just dip into your trust fund.
I do it all the time.
84
00:04:04,365 --> 00:04:05,525
Our what?
85
00:04:05,605 --> 00:04:08,421
It's like an account your parents
set up for you to help pay for things,
86
00:04:08,445 --> 00:04:12,685
like university, your first car,
educational trips.
87
00:04:12,765 --> 00:04:14,925
I did not know about this.
88
00:04:15,005 --> 00:04:17,365
- Did you know about this?
- No, did I fuck.
89
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Trust fund, you say?
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00:04:20,205 --> 00:04:21,325
Interesting.
91
00:04:22,285 --> 00:04:25,965
Dip into your trust fund?
Of course, no bother at all.
92
00:04:26,045 --> 00:04:28,285
Pass us then the phone.
I just need to ring the bank.
93
00:04:28,885 --> 00:04:32,445
7-6-5-4-3-2-1. That's the account number
and the password.
94
00:04:32,525 --> 00:04:34,485
What is it again?
What was it now?
95
00:04:34,565 --> 00:04:36,525
Oh, aye. Catch yourself on!
96
00:04:36,605 --> 00:04:38,925
Da, for God's sake,
will you turn that down?
97
00:04:39,005 --> 00:04:40,685
I have turned it down. It's at zero.
98
00:04:40,765 --> 00:04:42,005
...opportunity there.
99
00:04:42,085 --> 00:04:43,645
I don't know how he does it.
100
00:04:43,725 --> 00:04:45,405
You telling me I don't have a trust fund?
101
00:04:45,485 --> 00:04:47,221
There you go.
You're not as slow as you look.
102
00:04:47,245 --> 00:04:49,365
Do I have a trust fund, Mary?
103
00:04:49,445 --> 00:04:52,885
Listen, girls, there are no trust funds.
There are no funds, period.
104
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For God's sake!
105
00:04:54,725 --> 00:04:59,005
Okay. That's one portion of red fish,
one portion of white fish,
106
00:04:59,085 --> 00:05:01,045
- two bags of chips...
- No, no, no.
107
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- Two bags won't be enough.
- Two's plenty, Joe.
108
00:05:03,565 --> 00:05:06,885
- Four. Four should cover it.
- Three, then. We'll compromise.
109
00:05:06,965 --> 00:05:09,605
- I'll compromise you through that window.
- That's enough, Da.
110
00:05:09,685 --> 00:05:12,125
The tight bastard
is trying to starve us all, Mary.
111
00:05:12,205 --> 00:05:14,605
Okay, four bags of chips, then.
112
00:05:14,685 --> 00:05:17,405
And I want 12 chicken nuggets,
a small battered hot dog,
113
00:05:17,485 --> 00:05:19,965
- plenty of onions, plenty of...
- Get a move on, Daddy.
114
00:05:20,045 --> 00:05:22,605
At that chippy, it's every man for himself
on a Friday night.
115
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I am trying to concentrate here, Erin.
116
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- All right, Mammy?
- All right, love.
117
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Did you ask about the trust fund?
118
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Uh, I don't have one.
119
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I take it that means I don't have one.
120
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For the love of God.
121
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- Will four bags be enough?
- More than enough.
122
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I say we need five, to be safe.
Do you not think, Da?
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Stick down five.
124
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- Five bags of chips, then!
- I'll have a chicken fillet burger.
125
00:05:44,965 --> 00:05:46,645
No lettuce, no tomato, no cheese.
126
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- I'll just write "plain," will I?
- No onions, no cucumber.
127
00:05:49,445 --> 00:05:51,605
- One plain...
- No relish, no pickles, no mayonnaise.
128
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- No chicken.
- What do you mean, no chicken?
129
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Get that.
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00:05:57,845 --> 00:06:00,405
It's a chicken burger,
of course I want chicken!
131
00:06:01,045 --> 00:06:03,605
- What are you, a simpleton?
- Hello?
132
00:06:03,685 --> 00:06:04,925
No chicken.
133
00:06:06,045 --> 00:06:07,365
It's Uncle Colm.
134
00:06:07,445 --> 00:06:10,605
Well, I'm not taking it.
I've been stung once already this week,
135
00:06:10,685 --> 00:06:13,965
and I'm 45 minutes talking
about his new shoelaces.
136
00:06:14,045 --> 00:06:16,965
I've stopped answering my phone altogether
for fear it's him, Mary.
137
00:06:17,045 --> 00:06:18,725
- Will you take it, Da?
- No chance, love.
138
00:06:18,805 --> 00:06:22,565
I mean, I know I shouldn't say this about
my own brother, but by Christ
139
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- he's a boring bastard.
- Is somebody going to take it or not?
140
00:06:25,925 --> 00:06:27,685
- Don't be cheeky.
- Less of the cheek, you.
141
00:06:29,165 --> 00:06:30,325
How's it going, Colm?
142
00:06:31,565 --> 00:06:33,485
Would you ever think of going cordless?
143
00:06:33,565 --> 00:06:36,205
Aye, it was freezing cold earlier,
that's true.
144
00:06:36,285 --> 00:06:39,565
Gemma Sharkey went cordless
and she's like a new woman now, Gerry.
145
00:06:39,645 --> 00:06:43,085
- No, it's not as cold now.
- She can make a call from her living room,
146
00:06:43,165 --> 00:06:45,885
from her kitchen, from her bedroom...
147
00:06:45,965 --> 00:06:49,165
Right, look, Colm, I don't have long.
We're sending to the chippy here.
148
00:06:49,245 --> 00:06:54,005
And the other night, right, and this is no
word of a lie, she rang me from the bath.
149
00:06:54,085 --> 00:06:56,365
These cordless phones are the future.
150
00:06:56,445 --> 00:06:59,325
- What? Oh, my God!
- What's up?
151
00:06:59,405 --> 00:07:01,365
Our Colm's in the police station.
152
00:07:01,445 --> 00:07:03,925
Last night, two gunmen
forced their way into his house,
153
00:07:04,005 --> 00:07:06,405
tied him up, stole his van.
154
00:07:06,485 --> 00:07:07,565
Dirty bastards.
155
00:07:07,645 --> 00:07:09,925
Oh, God, love you, you poor critter.
156
00:07:10,565 --> 00:07:12,285
You're to come straight round here,
hear me?
157
00:07:12,365 --> 00:07:14,645
Oh, of course. Of course.
158
00:07:15,645 --> 00:07:17,125
Is he all right?
159
00:07:17,205 --> 00:07:19,565
He is traumatized, Gerry.
160
00:07:20,525 --> 00:07:22,365
He'll take a steak and kidney pie.
161
00:07:23,805 --> 00:07:25,565
Do you think five bags will be enough?
162
00:07:29,605 --> 00:07:31,765
♪ Ah, push it ♪
163
00:07:31,845 --> 00:07:33,405
Seven bags of chips,
164
00:07:33,485 --> 00:07:38,325
12 chicken nuggets,
one small battered hot dog,
165
00:07:38,405 --> 00:07:41,805
- one plain chicken burger...
- Give me that. Me.
166
00:07:41,885 --> 00:07:43,565
Thank you, Fionnula.
167
00:07:43,645 --> 00:07:46,365
- All right? Any joy with the trust fund?
- Nah.
168
00:07:46,445 --> 00:07:48,325
According to my ma,
we're actually quite poor.
169
00:07:48,405 --> 00:07:50,605
Aye, I think we might be as well.
170
00:07:50,685 --> 00:07:51,821
- What's yours?
- Uh...
171
00:07:51,845 --> 00:07:54,485
Can I p-please get one... one fish supper
and one cowboy special,
172
00:07:54,565 --> 00:07:57,181
- please, Fionnula, thank you, please?
- It'll be ready when it's ready.
173
00:07:57,205 --> 00:08:00,365
Well, Jenny Joyce was talking through
her fat hole about this trust fund thing.
174
00:08:00,445 --> 00:08:02,685
- What's yours?
- Don't rush me, Fionnula.
175
00:08:03,805 --> 00:08:06,285
Where the fuck are we going
to get the money for Paris now?
176
00:08:06,365 --> 00:08:07,845
We could sell our organs.
177
00:08:07,925 --> 00:08:10,605
We could. We could sell our organs.
178
00:08:10,685 --> 00:08:13,165
Or, and forgive me
if this is a bit left field,
179
00:08:13,245 --> 00:08:15,405
but could we not, you know, get jobs?
180
00:08:15,485 --> 00:08:16,565
There are no jobs in Derry.
181
00:08:16,605 --> 00:08:19,525
- That's all you hear anybody say.
- So what are these?
182
00:08:20,965 --> 00:08:24,205
I never really looked at this before.
I assumed they were all dead cat posters.
183
00:08:24,285 --> 00:08:27,085
- Missing cat posters.
- If you're an optimist.
184
00:08:27,165 --> 00:08:30,525
I'm not sure if I'd be suited to any
of these. They're all very practical,
185
00:08:30,605 --> 00:08:32,445
and I'm just more... creative.
186
00:08:32,525 --> 00:08:34,125
You're more of a slabber.
187
00:08:39,885 --> 00:08:41,125
Fuck's sake.
188
00:08:41,205 --> 00:08:43,365
I think other people
are onto this thing, girls.
189
00:08:43,445 --> 00:08:45,925
- Oi! I'll not ask you again.
- A large cowboy, Fionnula.
190
00:08:46,005 --> 00:08:48,421
- And don't be shy with the salt now.
- What about the wee limey?
191
00:08:48,445 --> 00:08:49,485
Well, dicko?
192
00:08:50,965 --> 00:08:52,525
I'm okay, thanks.
193
00:08:52,605 --> 00:08:54,925
- What?
- I don't really want anything.
194
00:08:55,005 --> 00:08:56,005
You don't want anything?
195
00:08:56,085 --> 00:08:57,781
How could you not want anything?
It's lovely.
196
00:08:57,805 --> 00:09:00,685
- I don't really fancy it, that's all.
- I don't understand.
197
00:09:00,765 --> 00:09:04,445
- Are you not feeling well, James?
- I don't like it, okay?
198
00:09:04,525 --> 00:09:07,925
It's too greasy!
It's much, much too greasy!
199
00:09:08,005 --> 00:09:12,005
Even the smell of it
makes me feel physically sick.
200
00:09:13,085 --> 00:09:15,765
I'm sorry that you had to hear that,
Fionnula.
201
00:09:16,405 --> 00:09:18,045
You're a fucking embarrassment.
202
00:09:18,125 --> 00:09:19,885
Get him out of here.
203
00:09:19,965 --> 00:09:21,285
You heard the woman.
204
00:09:21,365 --> 00:09:23,365
♪ Ah, push it ♪
205
00:09:23,445 --> 00:09:25,045
♪ Push it real good ♪
206
00:09:25,125 --> 00:09:26,925
There was a knock at the door.
207
00:09:27,005 --> 00:09:28,045
This must have been...
208
00:09:28,125 --> 00:09:30,525
ah, we're talking eight, half-eight,
209
00:09:30,605 --> 00:09:32,285
for I was halfway through me dinner.
210
00:09:32,805 --> 00:09:34,725
And up I got to open it.
211
00:09:35,165 --> 00:09:38,165
And there they both were, large as life.
212
00:09:38,925 --> 00:09:40,285
And the taller fella...
213
00:09:40,565 --> 00:09:43,445
though, to be fair, there was
no more than an inch in it.
214
00:09:43,525 --> 00:09:44,525
Jesus wept.
215
00:09:44,605 --> 00:09:48,325
The slightly taller fella,
he says to me, says he,
216
00:09:48,405 --> 00:09:51,061
- "Do you know who we are?"
- How's a body supposed to enjoy dinner?
217
00:09:51,085 --> 00:09:54,645
And I says to him, says I,
"Well, I can't be sure now,
218
00:09:54,725 --> 00:09:57,245
but maybe if you took off
the balaclavas."
219
00:09:57,805 --> 00:10:01,125
And then he says to me,
the slightly taller fella does,
220
00:10:01,205 --> 00:10:03,445
he says, "Step aside. We're armed."
221
00:10:03,525 --> 00:10:04,685
Crass.
222
00:10:04,765 --> 00:10:07,205
And that's when the smaller fella,
223
00:10:07,285 --> 00:10:09,005
although, as I say,
we're talking an inch...
224
00:10:09,045 --> 00:10:11,101
- Mammy, make it stop.
- ...inch and a half at most.
225
00:10:11,125 --> 00:10:13,765
- I need a drink.
- He has the bright idea
226
00:10:13,845 --> 00:10:15,605
of tying me to the radiator, you see.
227
00:10:16,285 --> 00:10:18,405
And I remember saying to myself, says I,
228
00:10:18,485 --> 00:10:23,045
"Colm, it's a good job you have
the economy seven on the old timer,
229
00:10:23,125 --> 00:10:24,645
or you'd be roasted here."
230
00:10:24,725 --> 00:10:26,805
Did you go for the economy seven
in the end, Colm?
231
00:10:26,885 --> 00:10:29,205
I thought you says the hot water settings
were a minefield.
232
00:10:29,245 --> 00:10:31,405
For the love of God, Sarah,
no diversions, please.
233
00:10:31,485 --> 00:10:33,661
Aye, come on, let's pack it up.
They tied you to the heater.
234
00:10:33,685 --> 00:10:35,045
They did indeed.
235
00:10:35,125 --> 00:10:38,125
And there I am,
shackled to the thermostatic valve
236
00:10:38,205 --> 00:10:39,325
with me new shoelaces,
237
00:10:39,405 --> 00:10:42,125
when one of them,
the smaller fella...
238
00:10:42,205 --> 00:10:44,845
- or, hang on, maybe it was the...
- Doesn't matter, Colm.
239
00:10:44,925 --> 00:10:46,285
Well, it was one of the two.
240
00:10:46,365 --> 00:10:48,245
He's looking for the keys to the van,
241
00:10:48,325 --> 00:10:51,925
all ranting and raving
and getting himself all worked up,
242
00:10:52,005 --> 00:10:55,645
threatening to set fire
to my good chaise longue and all sorts.
243
00:10:56,085 --> 00:10:59,725
By Jesus, they were absolutely desperate
to borrow the van.
244
00:10:59,805 --> 00:11:01,885
Colm, they didn't "borrow" your van.
245
00:11:01,965 --> 00:11:03,205
They stole your van,
246
00:11:03,285 --> 00:11:05,205
used it to move arms
across the border,
247
00:11:05,285 --> 00:11:06,365
and then they blew it up.
248
00:11:06,445 --> 00:11:08,645
Aye. Nightmare altogether.
249
00:11:08,725 --> 00:11:11,205
Or diabolique, as they say in France.
250
00:11:11,285 --> 00:11:13,725
Or, "You're still not going to Paris,"
as they say in Derry.
251
00:11:13,805 --> 00:11:15,965
Ach, well, I'm delighted for you, Colm.
252
00:11:16,045 --> 00:11:18,445
- What?
- Well, I just mean that,
253
00:11:18,525 --> 00:11:21,765
well, before he had nothing
really going for him,
254
00:11:21,845 --> 00:11:25,325
but now, well, now he is somebody.
255
00:11:25,405 --> 00:11:28,565
Now he's the fella
that got tied to his own radiator.
256
00:11:28,645 --> 00:11:30,565
- Thanks, Sarah.
- We should ring UTV,
257
00:11:30,645 --> 00:11:32,405
get them to do an interview.
258
00:11:32,485 --> 00:11:34,285
When Shauna Sharkey was interviewed...
259
00:11:34,365 --> 00:11:36,765
do you mind the time where
her and her brother got hijacked?
260
00:11:36,845 --> 00:11:39,485
Well, Fionnula gave her free chips
for a month.
261
00:11:39,565 --> 00:11:41,485
- You're joking.
- Honest to God.
262
00:11:41,565 --> 00:11:43,005
I'll go.
263
00:11:46,085 --> 00:11:49,925
You will never guess
what she's done this time, Erin.
264
00:11:50,005 --> 00:11:52,565
Did she nick the noticeboard
from the chip shop, Clare?
265
00:11:58,605 --> 00:12:00,845
♪ You're unbelievable ♪
266
00:12:00,925 --> 00:12:02,885
Fionnula was out the back, cashing up.
267
00:12:02,965 --> 00:12:06,245
I sneaked in, yanked it off the wall
and away I went.
268
00:12:06,325 --> 00:12:08,325
I was like a thief in the night.
269
00:12:09,525 --> 00:12:11,405
You were "like" a thief in the night?
270
00:12:11,485 --> 00:12:13,645
You actually were a thief in the night,
271
00:12:13,725 --> 00:12:15,885
and you stole from Fionnula,
of all people.
272
00:12:15,965 --> 00:12:16,965
Fionnula!
273
00:12:17,045 --> 00:12:19,485
I once saw her punch a Rottweiler,
Michelle.
274
00:12:19,565 --> 00:12:21,765
If she finds out about this,
she'll kill you.
275
00:12:21,845 --> 00:12:24,605
Kill us. You're an accessory
after the fact now,
276
00:12:24,685 --> 00:12:26,125
- my friend.
- God!
277
00:12:26,205 --> 00:12:28,325
Can I ask why you stole the noticeboard?
278
00:12:28,405 --> 00:12:30,365
So we get first dibs on all the jobs.
279
00:12:30,445 --> 00:12:33,845
Wouldn't it have been easier
to just remove the notices?
280
00:12:33,925 --> 00:12:35,805
They're only Blu Tacked on.
281
00:12:37,365 --> 00:12:38,485
Fuck off, dickweed.
282
00:12:38,565 --> 00:12:40,445
Christ, what possessed you,
Michelle?
283
00:12:40,525 --> 00:12:43,645
Yeah, the more I talk about it
and the more I sober up...
284
00:12:44,405 --> 00:12:46,605
- the less sure I am, really.
- You were drunk?
285
00:12:46,685 --> 00:12:48,005
Brilliant!
286
00:12:48,085 --> 00:12:50,325
Fuck. We're not like Jenny Joyce.
287
00:12:50,405 --> 00:12:52,965
Nobody is just going to hand us things.
288
00:12:53,045 --> 00:12:55,765
But that doesn't mean
we shouldn't have things.
289
00:12:55,845 --> 00:12:57,285
Come on, Clare.
290
00:12:59,085 --> 00:13:01,925
I know how much you've dreamed
of seeing the Arc de...
291
00:13:02,005 --> 00:13:03,645
whatever the fuck it's called.
292
00:13:04,125 --> 00:13:05,125
James...
293
00:13:06,165 --> 00:13:09,285
I know how much you want to practice
the shit out of the past participle.
294
00:13:09,685 --> 00:13:10,685
Orla...
295
00:13:12,365 --> 00:13:15,125
you really, really buzz
off those Renault Clio ads.
296
00:13:15,885 --> 00:13:16,965
And you, Erin.
297
00:13:17,485 --> 00:13:21,205
Well... you're just riding
Charlene Kavanagh.
298
00:13:21,285 --> 00:13:22,685
I'm not riding her.
299
00:13:22,765 --> 00:13:25,645
I just think it might be time I moved on,
friendship-wise.
300
00:13:25,725 --> 00:13:27,805
You are aware you're talking
to your current friends?
301
00:13:29,565 --> 00:13:30,965
We can't give up on Paris.
302
00:13:31,045 --> 00:13:33,725
Let's do this, girls.
Let's just make it happen.
303
00:13:33,805 --> 00:13:35,605
God, I've never seen you so fired up.
304
00:13:35,685 --> 00:13:37,845
I will buck a French lad, Erin.
305
00:13:37,925 --> 00:13:40,085
I will buck a French lad,
so help me God.
306
00:13:42,445 --> 00:13:45,205
So, firstly we have the tutoring.
307
00:13:45,285 --> 00:13:46,645
And out of everyone,
308
00:13:46,725 --> 00:13:49,405
I thought you might be best suited to
that, Clare, because...
309
00:13:49,485 --> 00:13:50,845
I'm the brightest.
310
00:13:50,925 --> 00:13:53,885
Well, in that conventional sort of way,
I suppose.
311
00:13:53,965 --> 00:13:55,325
There's also some babysitting.
312
00:13:55,405 --> 00:13:56,525
The child will be in bed,
313
00:13:56,605 --> 00:13:59,565
so you should just about be able
to manage that, Michelle.
314
00:13:59,645 --> 00:14:02,525
Oh, thanks. And you should
just about be able to manage this.
315
00:14:02,605 --> 00:14:04,005
Always the lady.
316
00:14:04,085 --> 00:14:07,485
There's also some gardening,
mowing a lawn, et cetera.
317
00:14:07,565 --> 00:14:10,205
This will require a bit of muscle, so...
318
00:14:10,885 --> 00:14:13,005
you should take that one, Orla.
319
00:14:13,085 --> 00:14:14,885
No, I should do that one.
320
00:14:14,965 --> 00:14:16,645
It's a man's job, Erin. I'm a man.
321
00:14:16,725 --> 00:14:19,165
- That's debatable.
- I'm more of a man than Orla.
322
00:14:19,245 --> 00:14:21,285
I do not accept that.
323
00:14:21,365 --> 00:14:22,485
Come on, Erin.
324
00:14:22,565 --> 00:14:26,525
Fine. So, that leaves dog-walking and
washing a car.
325
00:14:26,605 --> 00:14:27,885
Is it a Renault Clio?
326
00:14:27,965 --> 00:14:30,685
- No.
- I'll take the dogs.
327
00:14:30,765 --> 00:14:31,965
Okay.
328
00:14:35,325 --> 00:14:36,845
Let's go to work.
329
00:14:40,405 --> 00:14:41,845
♪ Yeah ♪
330
00:14:46,685 --> 00:14:50,725
♪ Looking back on the track
For a little green bag ♪
331
00:14:50,805 --> 00:14:55,325
♪ I got to find just the kind
Or losing my mind ♪
332
00:14:55,405 --> 00:15:00,365
♪ Out of sight in the night
Out of sight in the day... ♪
333
00:15:00,445 --> 00:15:02,445
You thieving wee fuckers!
334
00:15:10,165 --> 00:15:13,365
- How did you find out?
- Doesn't matter how she found out.
335
00:15:13,445 --> 00:15:16,685
That's not what's important, what's
important is that we are all deeply...
336
00:15:16,765 --> 00:15:19,605
- Her mother rang me.
- You told your ma?
337
00:15:19,685 --> 00:15:21,845
Okay, I cracked.
338
00:15:21,925 --> 00:15:23,485
I couldn't handle it, and I cracked.
339
00:15:23,565 --> 00:15:25,605
- For fuck's sake, Clare.
- Enough!
340
00:15:26,125 --> 00:15:27,405
Where do we go from here?
341
00:15:27,485 --> 00:15:30,005
Mary, look, you're family.
342
00:15:30,485 --> 00:15:32,005
Well, you're good people.
343
00:15:32,365 --> 00:15:33,565
Well, you're decent people.
344
00:15:34,205 --> 00:15:35,485
But I have to set an example.
345
00:15:36,045 --> 00:15:37,605
No. Dear God, no.
346
00:15:38,045 --> 00:15:39,285
You're not talking about a ban.
347
00:15:39,365 --> 00:15:40,565
Yes.
348
00:15:40,645 --> 00:15:43,045
Let's call it a suspension.
I'm sorry, Mary.
349
00:15:43,125 --> 00:15:46,725
Ach, Fionnula. What about you?
I thought I could smell vinegar.
350
00:15:46,805 --> 00:15:51,805
I'm just on my way to meet our Colm here.
I'm a nervous wreck.
351
00:15:51,885 --> 00:15:54,885
We're doing this interview, you see,
for UTV.
352
00:15:54,965 --> 00:15:58,005
- I'm going to be on UTV, Fionnula.
- Save your breath, Sarah.
353
00:15:58,085 --> 00:16:00,005
There'll be no free chips.
354
00:16:00,085 --> 00:16:01,645
There'll be no chips, full stop.
355
00:16:01,725 --> 00:16:03,245
Excuse me?
356
00:16:03,325 --> 00:16:05,565
What do you expect me to do on a Friday,
Fionnula? Cook?
357
00:16:05,645 --> 00:16:07,925
- You expect me to cook?
- You could order a pizza.
358
00:16:08,005 --> 00:16:09,725
- Pizza is not as nice.
- No.
359
00:16:09,805 --> 00:16:13,045
You are right, Orla.
Pizza is not as nice.
360
00:16:13,125 --> 00:16:15,005
Maybe you should have
all thought about that.
361
00:16:16,845 --> 00:16:18,445
Is there nothing we can do?
362
00:16:21,445 --> 00:16:24,285
So, not only are we not going to Paris,
363
00:16:24,365 --> 00:16:27,405
we're spending our Sunday scrubbing
Fionnula's fucking fish hole for free.
364
00:16:27,485 --> 00:16:30,445
Aye, and she'll be back from Eucharist
soon, so get a shift on.
365
00:16:30,525 --> 00:16:31,965
It's slave labor, Erin.
366
00:16:32,045 --> 00:16:35,325
It's worse than slave labor.
We're not even getting paid.
367
00:16:35,405 --> 00:16:36,901
Look, Mammy had to cut some sort of deal.
368
00:16:36,925 --> 00:16:39,525
Would living without fried food
really be so bad?
369
00:16:39,605 --> 00:16:40,645
Yes!
370
00:16:42,045 --> 00:16:43,501
She wouldn't actually have banned us.
She was bluffing.
371
00:16:43,525 --> 00:16:45,005
She's not bluffing, Michelle.
372
00:16:45,085 --> 00:16:47,805
- Didn't she ban the McGuigan twins?
- Seriously?
373
00:16:47,885 --> 00:16:49,805
Sure. That's why they lost all the weight.
374
00:16:50,845 --> 00:16:53,205
Right, girls. No dicking about.
375
00:16:55,365 --> 00:16:58,005
We need to leave this place
fucking spotless.
376
00:16:59,045 --> 00:17:00,765
♪ We are young ♪
377
00:17:00,845 --> 00:17:02,245
♪ We run green ♪
378
00:17:02,325 --> 00:17:05,565
♪ Keep our teeth nice and clean ♪
379
00:17:05,645 --> 00:17:08,725
♪ See our friends
See the sights ♪
380
00:17:08,805 --> 00:17:11,525
♪ Feel all right ♪
381
00:17:11,605 --> 00:17:15,205
♪ We wake up, we go out ♪
382
00:17:15,285 --> 00:17:18,445
♪ Smoke a fag, put it out ♪
383
00:17:18,525 --> 00:17:21,645
♪ See our friends
See the sights ♪
384
00:17:21,725 --> 00:17:23,725
♪ Feel all right ♪
385
00:17:26,445 --> 00:17:28,605
♪ Are we like you? ♪
386
00:17:28,685 --> 00:17:31,165
♪ I can't be sure ♪
387
00:17:31,245 --> 00:17:34,805
♪ Of the scene
As she turns ♪
388
00:17:34,885 --> 00:17:36,125
♪ We are strange ♪
389
00:17:36,205 --> 00:17:37,485
Fuck this.
390
00:17:47,605 --> 00:17:50,325
It's still sticky.
391
00:17:51,125 --> 00:17:52,325
How?
392
00:17:52,405 --> 00:17:54,605
How is it still sticky?
393
00:17:55,285 --> 00:17:57,565
Is it worse than when we started?
394
00:17:59,725 --> 00:18:01,285
I think it might be, yeah.
395
00:18:01,365 --> 00:18:03,725
- Great.
- Oh, I see.
396
00:18:04,245 --> 00:18:07,005
Yeah. This isn't Windolene.
397
00:18:07,085 --> 00:18:08,085
This is...
398
00:18:09,125 --> 00:18:10,445
This is mayonnaise.
399
00:18:11,085 --> 00:18:12,245
Great work, folks.
400
00:18:12,765 --> 00:18:15,045
Absolutely brilliant.
401
00:18:15,125 --> 00:18:16,605
Well done, everyone.
402
00:18:16,685 --> 00:18:19,245
It's been a productive morning.
403
00:18:19,325 --> 00:18:22,085
Fionnula will be absolutely thrilled.
404
00:18:45,365 --> 00:18:46,965
All right?
405
00:18:48,445 --> 00:18:49,965
Boo!
406
00:18:50,045 --> 00:18:52,645
- Where did you get all this?
- Fionnula's cupboard.
407
00:18:52,725 --> 00:18:54,805
I think she might have a bit of a problem.
408
00:18:54,885 --> 00:18:57,605
You think Fionnula
might have a bit of a problem?
409
00:18:57,685 --> 00:19:00,045
Put it away and get back downstairs, now.
410
00:19:00,125 --> 00:19:02,965
- Sit yourselves down. Have a wee drink.
- No, Michelle. It's wrong.
411
00:19:03,045 --> 00:19:06,125
So are those ski pants, Clare, didn't stop
you pulling them over your hole.
412
00:19:07,085 --> 00:19:08,125
Wait for it.
413
00:19:11,205 --> 00:19:14,165
- Michelle!
- Don't be a shower of bore bags.
414
00:19:16,205 --> 00:19:18,085
Sláinte, motherfuckers.
415
00:19:18,165 --> 00:19:20,285
- No, no, no, no!
- Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
416
00:19:33,205 --> 00:19:36,885
Are you throwing alcohol on it?
Are you actually throwing alcohol on it?
417
00:19:36,965 --> 00:19:39,285
And what in the name of God
are you doing, seasoning it?
418
00:19:59,965 --> 00:20:01,565
Wow.
419
00:20:01,645 --> 00:20:05,445
On a scale of one to ten,
how dead do you think we are?
420
00:20:08,125 --> 00:20:10,685
The taller fella.
Well, it was one of the two.
421
00:20:10,765 --> 00:20:13,165
Anyway, he says to me, says he...
422
00:20:13,245 --> 00:20:16,205
- It's the truth, Mammy.
- Erin, if you expect me to believe
423
00:20:16,285 --> 00:20:18,605
that Michelle tripped
while carrying a scented candle,
424
00:20:18,685 --> 00:20:20,605
you must think I came up
the Foyle in a bubble.
425
00:20:20,685 --> 00:20:23,565
My uncle
still finds it all quite difficult
426
00:20:23,645 --> 00:20:25,565
- to talk about.
- It's my bit! It's my bit!
427
00:20:25,645 --> 00:20:29,365
- What are we going to do?
- Oh, for God's sake, Mary, would you look?
428
00:20:29,445 --> 00:20:31,085
You're missing my big moment.
429
00:20:31,165 --> 00:20:33,965
Two gunmen of roughly the same height
430
00:20:34,045 --> 00:20:37,445
kicked his door down
and tied him to the radiator
431
00:20:37,525 --> 00:20:39,205
with his own shoelaces.
432
00:20:39,285 --> 00:20:42,725
He'd barely had those shoelaces
a week, John.
433
00:20:42,805 --> 00:20:45,405
They threatened him
with physical violence.
434
00:20:45,485 --> 00:20:50,845
They threatened to burn his house down
before manhandling...
435
00:20:59,285 --> 00:21:01,805
Why would two gunmen break into a chippy?
436
00:21:01,885 --> 00:21:03,885
Ah! That really hurt.
437
00:21:03,965 --> 00:21:06,125
- You're such a pussy.
- What were they looking for?
438
00:21:06,205 --> 00:21:07,565
Chips, obviously.
439
00:21:07,645 --> 00:21:10,125
They were looking for the keys to the van.
Keep up, Erin.
440
00:21:10,205 --> 00:21:12,005
Do you think we should
knock them about a bit?
441
00:21:12,885 --> 00:21:15,725
- No.
- Nothing drastic. Just a few slaps.
442
00:21:15,805 --> 00:21:17,085
I said no, Sarah.
443
00:21:17,165 --> 00:21:19,965
- What, not even the wee gay fella?
- I'm not gay.
444
00:21:20,045 --> 00:21:23,005
Okay, that should do it. Ready?
445
00:21:23,085 --> 00:21:24,845
I hate to be a health and safety stickler,
446
00:21:24,925 --> 00:21:27,605
but surely you're not actually planning
on leaving us, are you?
447
00:21:30,765 --> 00:21:33,125
Back door.
Back door. Back door.
448
00:21:33,845 --> 00:21:35,365
Hurry up.
449
00:21:48,525 --> 00:21:51,245
Push it, push it.
450
00:21:51,325 --> 00:21:53,765
- I'm pushing! I'm pushing it!
- Hurry up!
451
00:21:53,845 --> 00:21:55,525
It's locked!
452
00:22:01,045 --> 00:22:03,525
What the fuck's going on here, exactly?
453
00:22:03,605 --> 00:22:05,085
Okay...
454
00:22:05,725 --> 00:22:07,245
um, all right.
455
00:22:08,365 --> 00:22:10,805
Well, what happened was...
456
00:22:12,045 --> 00:22:15,005
Michelle was carrying
this scented candle...
457
00:22:18,325 --> 00:22:19,765
It's just not as nice.
458
00:22:25,045 --> 00:22:26,525
♪ No, you're never gonna get it ♪
459
00:22:26,605 --> 00:22:28,805
- ♪ Ow! ♪
- ♪ Never, ever gonna get it ♪
460
00:22:28,885 --> 00:22:31,245
- ♪ No, not this time ♪
- ♪ No, you're never gonna get it ♪
461
00:22:31,325 --> 00:22:33,845
- ♪ My love ♪
- ♪ Never, ever gonna get it ♪
462
00:22:35,005 --> 00:22:37,165
♪ No, you're never gonna get it ♪
- ♪ Ow! ♪
463
00:22:37,245 --> 00:22:39,885
- ♪ Never, ever gonna get it ♪
- ♪ Not this time ♪
464
00:22:39,965 --> 00:22:42,045
- ♪ No, you're never gonna get it ♪
- ♪ My love ♪
465
00:22:42,125 --> 00:22:43,845
♪ Never, ever gonna get it ♪
466
00:22:43,925 --> 00:22:46,365
♪ Ooh bop ♪